The Lowe-Down

I am always amused when Spring arrives and the behaviour of the teenagers I work with undergoes a noticeable shift. The sun is out more, the days are getting slightly longer again, and the boys seem to be constantly wrestling. And the girls, as a general rule, seem to be more…how best to describe it…giggly! It’s like one of those David Attenborough nature documentaries where the young bucks butt antlers while wide-eyed doe look on. What is equally intriguing is the different ways adults react to this increased physicality amongst the teenagers around them. Physical contact is something we experience daily, yet it’s often taken for granted until it becomes a subject of concern. In educational settings, where young people are navigating social relationships and learning boundaries, physical touch can be both a point of connection and, at times, a source of tension.

I should note her that this piece is concerned primarily with the non-romantic, platonic interactions that naturally occur between students in social contexts rather touch of a more intimate or romantic nature.

The Science of Human Touch

Touch is one of the most fundamental ways humans connect. From the moment we are born, physical contact plays a crucial role in our development. It’s well-documented that infants who experience regular skin-to-skin contact with their caregivers develop more securely. This need for touch doesn’t diminish as we age; rather, it continues to play a critical role in our emotional and physical well-being throughout life.

Research has shown that touch releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes bonding and reduces stress. Alexandra Benisek writes on WebMD explains: “When you engage in pleasant touch, like a hug, your brain releases a hormone called oxytocin. This makes you feel good and firms up emotional and social bonds while lowering anxiety and fear.” Furthermore, human touch has been found to regulate sleep, digestion, and immune function – biological systems that are essential for overall health.

This physiological impact is significant when considering how touch deprivation can affect us. Associate Professor Nicole K. McNichols, writing in Psychology Today highlights: “The correlation between anxiety, depression, and stress and touch is large and inversely related. It has been found that touch calms our nervous centre, slows down our heartbeat, and lowers blood pressure.” In environments where touch is strictly limited or banned, whether due to cultural norms or public health concerns, the absence of physical connection can lead to increased feelings of isolation, stress, and anxiety.

The Role of Touch in Adolescent Development

Adolescence is a time of rapid growth and change, both physically and emotionally. As teenagers develop their social identities, they often explore physical boundaries with their peers. This may manifest in playful physical contact, such as rough-housing or friendly nudging, which can sometimes cross into inappropriate behaviour. The challenge for educators and parents is to navigate these interactions in ways that are both supportive and instructive, rather than purely punitive.

It’s important to acknowledge that adolescents are in a learning phase when it comes to social interaction. Just as we expect them to struggle with academic challenges, we should anticipate that they will occasionally misjudge physical boundaries. While it’s crucial to address inappropriate behaviour, we should also recognise that these moments are opportunities for learning and growth. Simply banning all forms of physical contact in an attempt to prevent harm may overlook the social and developmental needs of young people.

Psychologist Guy Winch notes that touch is intricately linked to emotional closeness. He states, “We associate the absence of touch with emotional distance. Pre-pandemic, there were literally dozens of small moments of touch throughout the day that contributed to our sense of connection with others.” In a post-pandemic world, where touch became synonymous with risk, it’s crucial to recalibrate our understanding of healthy, platonic touch and how we guide young people in managing it.

The Impact of Gendered Violence Discourse

In recent times, public discourse on gendered violence has become more prominent, influencing how we perceive physical interactions, especially between boys. The heightened awareness of issues like sexual harassment and violence against women has rightly underscored the need for respectful boundaries in all forms of interaction. However, this necessary and important focus on preventing harm can sometimes result in a cautious, even fearful, approach to all forms of physical contact – especially when rough-housing or playful behaviour between boys is involved.

As educators, parents, and community members, we must recognize the nuances at play. While rough-housing or physical play among boys can sometimes be perceived as aggressive or potentially harmful, it’s important to distinguish between genuinely problematic behaviour and what might simply be a form of energetic social bonding. Misreading playful contact as dangerous or inappropriate can inadvertently send a message that physical connection – even in benign forms – is always suspect.

This is not to suggest that concerns around gendered violence should be minimised or ignored. On the contrary, creating safe environments where all students, regardless of gender, feel respected is a priority. But part of this safety involves equipping young people, particularly boys, with the tools to understand boundaries, consent, and appropriate behaviour. This means acknowledging that physical play can be a natural part of development, while also teaching boys that physical contact should always be respectful, consensual, and aligned with the values of empathy and care for others.

The Impulse to Ban Physical Touch in Schools

In some educational settings, there’s been a growing trend toward banning physical contact entirely. This often stems from concerns about inappropriate touch, bullying, or potential harm. While these concerns are valid, it’s important to ask whether an outright ban is the best response, or whether it overlooks the positive role touch can play in human connection.

For instance, rough-housing or playful physical contact can be misinterpreted as aggression, especially when boundaries aren’t clear. However, the solution may not be to prohibit all touch, but rather to provide clear guidelines and education about what is appropriate. Adolescents are still learning how to interact with others, and it’s vital that they have opportunities to practice and understand the social cues that accompany physical interaction.

When a young person nudges, bumps, or prods a classmate repeatedly, it’s easy to jump to the conclusion that this behaviour is purely negative. However, these actions may stem from a need for attention, a desire for connection, or simply an unrefined sense of play. Rather than enforcing an all-encompassing ban, we can help students learn how to express themselves in ways that are both respectful and positive.

Creating a Framework for Positive Physical Interaction

If we accept that physical touch is an essential part of human connection, how can we ensure that it remains appropriate and respectful in social environments like schools? One way is to create a framework that emphasises the values underlying positive physical interactions. This is how we might frame the conversation using the core values of the school I work at :

• Respect: Any physical interaction should prioritise the comfort and consent of the other person. Teaching young people about personal boundaries and encouraging them to ask for consent before initiating physical contact is crucial.
• Compassion: Students need to learn that their actions have an impact on others. Rough housing, for example, might feel playful to one person but intimidating or hurtful to another. Teaching compassion means helping students recognize and respond to the emotions of their peers.
• Wisdom: Navigating social interactions requires the ability to read situations and understand context. Adolescents need to develop the wisdom to discern when physical contact is appropriate and when it might cross a line.
• Integrity: Encouraging young people to act with integrity means aligning their actions with their values. If they profess to care about others, their physical interactions should reflect that care.

By focusing on these principles, educators and parents can help students navigate the complex world of social interaction without resorting to blanket restrictions. Adolescents need guidance, not just rules. Providing them with opportunities to practice healthy, respectful forms of physical touch can help them grow into emotionally intelligent adults who understand the power – and the limits – of physical connection.

The Broader Implications of Touch

In a society that has become increasingly cautious about physical interaction, it’s worth considering the broader implications of touch deprivation. For example, the COVID-19 pandemic brought with it a heightened sense of caution around touch, with many of us avoiding even the most casual forms of physical contact for fear of spreading the virus. This period of enforced separation has had a lasting impact on how we approach touch, and it’s likely that many of us are still recalibrating our comfort levels.

However, as we move forward, it’s important to remember the essential role that touch plays in human life. While we must remain vigilant about ensuring that physical interactions are appropriate, we should also recognise that touch deprivation has its own set of consequences. An environment that is too sterile, where touch is feared or forbidden, may stifle emotional connection and contribute to a sense of isolation.

Conclusion

As we continue to explore the role of physical contact in social environments like schools, it’s important to strike a balance between caution and connection. Human touch is a complex and powerful form of communication, one that can strengthen relationships, foster emotional bonds, and contribute to well-being. By focusing on education, respect, and emotional intelligence, we can help young people navigate this complexity and grow into thoughtful, compassionate adults.